I came across the link to my blog today by accident and clicked on it. I found three very amusing posts. One of which indicated I would start blogging again. That was 2010. I didn't.
While many people tell me I'm funny - and I agree - I find it hard to find a topic to write about. And I often just don't have the time or energy to create anything other than a brief status or reply on Facebook. Some people also use Twitter. And LinkedIn. I can't even fathom trying to manage communication on three different social media sites. I generally don't even have time to type "social media sites".
A lot has happened in the last five years. My beautiful daughters have gotten older. Ariana is a FRESHMAN!!! in high school. Serena is in second grade and will soon move to another school for third grade.
One of the most incredible things to happen is I am married again! Yes, in 2013 I met an incredible young teacher, fell instantly in love, proposed and in April of this year, we combined our lives. I got two wonderful step children - both teenagers. So now I have THREE teenagers. When you think about it, I should be trying to hide under my bed and write a blog. In the dark. Holding my breath.
While I'm not particularly fond of complicated (just like Jason Bateman in "This is Where I Leave You") I find that not only do I have to deal with an "ex" and my kids, but a "new", her kids, my kids, a house and even a dog. Fluffy. I believe Fluffy would join me under the bed if he could. And of course, they have to deal with me. I am pretty sure I've got the better part of the deal. And while my intention was to move closer to Rhode Island and my family and friends, after meeting my wife, I moved farther away. That's what love does to a person. She had to give up downsizing her car and postponing a move to warmer climates for me. That's what love does to a person. It knocks down our old dreams and replaces them with new ones. Better ones.
My ex also got married recently. With two weddings in three weeks, the girls got a new step mom, step dad, step sister and four, yes four, step brothers. New aunts and uncles, New grandparents. And an "Uncle Frank" that is a little odd to explain as he is my wife's ex.
I look forward to a long life with my wife, and all my kids. And my dog. And my ex. And her husband. And my wife's ex. And his girlfriend. And a whole big extended family that continues to grow and grow. That's a lot of people. And a lot of love. How lucky am I. Yes, sometimes I may sit in the bathroom a few extra minutes when the house is full of offspring. But the time I spend with them, when I leave the bathroom, is a fantastic part of my life.
I think my last post in 2010 talked about me having a Pity Party. That party ended a long time ago. Now I'm dancing to "Celebration" and electric sliding into the future.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Five Barriers to A Truly Impressive Depressive State
Lately, I've been depressed. There stress of the holidays and financial obligations have got me down, somewhat. But I need to tell you, being depressed is NOT EASY! Yes, "Who does depression hurt? It hurts..everyone." Blah, blah, blah. It's not easy THAT way, but it's just not easy being depressed in general sometimes.
The truth is, try as I might to be depressed...and apparently I work hard at it...there are many barriers to a real good, down-in-the-dumps, cry-your-eyes-out depressive state. Here are the top five:
1. Pesky, loveble kids - You do your best to get into a real dark funk and what do these ankle biters do? They hug you, kiss you, call you Daddy! They bat their eyes, do cute things, and draw you pictures of you with your head 8 times the size of your body. They are a constant reminder of the good things in your life. This is my biggest obstacle when trying to succumb to a foul mood.
2. Girlfriends who care about you - this is a particularly difficult one to get past. Despite my self depreciating view of myself and belief that I'm an old, fat, goofy middle ager, my girlfriend insists on caring about me. She likes to kiss me and be affectionate. She is relentless in her quest to show me how important I am in her life and her appreciation for the man that I am. Damn her!
3. Supportive family and friends - these people refuse to just let me have a pity party. They constantly tell me how much they love me, what kind of a nice guy I am and how I make them laugh. They are there for me no matter what kind of crappy day I'm trying to have. They just won't let me dive into endless unhappiness. Not sure what else I can say about these do-gooders!
4. Stable job - Yes! I know I'm lucky to have a job. Yes, I'm paid reasonably well. It's not MY fault! I didn't hire me! But yet, I get a steady paycheck which allows me to pay for many of my bills and sometimes even have fun. At times it just doesn't seem fair that these ridiculous "employers" insist on letting me run amuck for 40 plus hours a week. Unbelievable!
5. Basic love of life and optimism - This is something I have had to live with all my life. Thanks Mom! I have always had to bend under the burden of laidbackism. I have tried to make people laugh, find humor in many situations, and act like a kid! Enough! No matter how hard I try to feel like a victim, my damn good nature aggressively tries to crowd out the dark visitor called unhappiness. Just when I'm ready to give up, something comes along that makes me laugh and perks me up. It is just frustrating to have to believe in myself time and time again. Really!
So if you really want to be depressed during this holiday season or randomly throughout the year, you MUST avoid these barriers at all cost. And beware, they can sneak up on you at any time. It isn't pretty, people!
The truth is, try as I might to be depressed...and apparently I work hard at it...there are many barriers to a real good, down-in-the-dumps, cry-your-eyes-out depressive state. Here are the top five:
1. Pesky, loveble kids - You do your best to get into a real dark funk and what do these ankle biters do? They hug you, kiss you, call you Daddy! They bat their eyes, do cute things, and draw you pictures of you with your head 8 times the size of your body. They are a constant reminder of the good things in your life. This is my biggest obstacle when trying to succumb to a foul mood.
2. Girlfriends who care about you - this is a particularly difficult one to get past. Despite my self depreciating view of myself and belief that I'm an old, fat, goofy middle ager, my girlfriend insists on caring about me. She likes to kiss me and be affectionate. She is relentless in her quest to show me how important I am in her life and her appreciation for the man that I am. Damn her!
3. Supportive family and friends - these people refuse to just let me have a pity party. They constantly tell me how much they love me, what kind of a nice guy I am and how I make them laugh. They are there for me no matter what kind of crappy day I'm trying to have. They just won't let me dive into endless unhappiness. Not sure what else I can say about these do-gooders!
4. Stable job - Yes! I know I'm lucky to have a job. Yes, I'm paid reasonably well. It's not MY fault! I didn't hire me! But yet, I get a steady paycheck which allows me to pay for many of my bills and sometimes even have fun. At times it just doesn't seem fair that these ridiculous "employers" insist on letting me run amuck for 40 plus hours a week. Unbelievable!
5. Basic love of life and optimism - This is something I have had to live with all my life. Thanks Mom! I have always had to bend under the burden of laidbackism. I have tried to make people laugh, find humor in many situations, and act like a kid! Enough! No matter how hard I try to feel like a victim, my damn good nature aggressively tries to crowd out the dark visitor called unhappiness. Just when I'm ready to give up, something comes along that makes me laugh and perks me up. It is just frustrating to have to believe in myself time and time again. Really!
So if you really want to be depressed during this holiday season or randomly throughout the year, you MUST avoid these barriers at all cost. And beware, they can sneak up on you at any time. It isn't pretty, people!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Doing the "Laundry Jig"
My combo washer dryer (it washes the clothes,empties the water, then dries the clothes all in the same barrel)started flashing me three months go. An error message I mean. First the annoying warning ding. Ding Ding. Ding ding. Then the digital display "LE" flashing incessantly. After some serious contemplation - and a loud WTF! - I searched the owners manual for a troubleshooting section. Truthfully, though, I don't actually OWN the machine the landlord does , so I probably should have had a USER's manual. Anyway, it did have one and after I found the section in English (which technically was in English but me being nontechnical might as well have been in a foreign language)and found the "LE" error definition. LE = motor error. Great. Tried restarting. Got it to work for a little while. Then the dang ding ding and the "LE" again. Called the landlord.
Sent their maintenance man out. He cleaned the filter, unplugged it and replugged it in. He left an amusing little pink maintenance slip indicating it was fixed. Now, I'm no appliance repair guy, but to me "motor error" does not translate to "clean the filer and unplug". So I started to do laundry again. Yes! It washed the clothes! Whoo hoo. Doing a "laundry jig". Well, maybe it was more of a seductive wiggle. But wait! Partway through the drying cycle...DING DING "LE" "LE" taunting me. I did what apparently should be done...I unplugged it and plugged it back in. Didn't work. Called the landlord again.
This time they sent in an actual LG appliance repair guy from Boston Joe's. Thats a bar, not an appliance fixer. C'mon! He checked it out. Said everything was okay. Restarted it and left. And left a pink slip. I get home, go to do the laundry and the farking Ding and LE is back! Call the landlord again. They send in Happy Sam the Unplug Man who cleans the filter and plugs and unplugs the machine again. Another pink slip saying "Fixed". Which it was. For a couple of loads. Then the sequel, "The Error Strikes Back".
Now, listen. The "LE" error is a motor error. Wouldn't that seem to indicate that perhap, I dunno, someone should look at THE MOTOR!!!!!!!!! I calmly - well not so calmly - indicated this to rental representative who promised it would be fixed.
Boston Joe comes back...eventually...because they only come to my area once a week. This time they open...THE MOTOR! In the motor they find a collar stay and half of a credit card (not mine, by the way, so its been in there a while). I get a voice mail rather than a pinky saying this was "probably" the problem. I am elated and my seductive wiggle turns into a Shakira shake. Until I try to run the machine again. LE LE LE LE LE. My patience is waning. I make a call again. This time they decide it must be either that I'm putting too much laundry detergent in it or it needs a special mat so it doesn't move on the carpeting. REALLY? This is what Boston Joe has to offer? I am extremely skeptical but at this point I'm willing to try anything so I can have clean clothes. I already don't use that much laundry detergent so that wasn't an issue. But I wait weeks for the mats to be ordered and installed. Ta Da!
LE LE LE LE LE! Arghhhhhh! Trying desperately not to let the TOTAL AND COMPLETE AGGRAVATION sound in my voice, I call the landlord again. I get a voice mail the next day (this is now into the third month of dinging and LEing) indicating Boston Billy/Bob/Joe/Tom stopped by the landlord and thought maybe the problem was it needed a new...wait for it...MOTOR. HELLO! This accountant with all the technical skills of Gilligan knew it was a motor issue when I read the manual and it said that LE = MOTOR ERROR!
So I'm told they will be in Thursday to replace the motor. I get all giddy. When I get home on Thursday...nothing...the LE is still flashing. I almost sob in disappointment. But lo and behold, on Friday while I'm at home, Boston Joe comes...though his name was Brian I think...and he climbs the stairs with his toolbox and a promising looking cardboard box. I am thrilled until I hear a resounding "Damn". NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD. He informs me that the bolt on the motor was on "really tight" and that it stripped his ratchet. So he would have to come back on Monday with a new ratchet to fix it. Okay. So three months have passed whats another three days and 3417 lbs of dirty laundry.
Again on Monday, I come home with a spring in my step (okay, after a long and frustrating drive from Albany so perhaps not so much a spring)to find...the machine taken apart, the bolt still on and my laundry glaring at me. I leave another message for the landlord where the words "ridiculous" and "Give me a break" were used...if I remember correctly.
Boston Buffoon finally came back on Tuesday. I received an excited message from my landlord indicating the motor has been replaced and that he stayed and watched a load of towels go through the wash cycle successfully. This was bright spot of my day. I get home and sure enough, the towels are clean. I set them for a dry cycle - which takes 3 hours by the way - and head downstairs. I get nervous because it is too quiet. I feel sure the LE error is back. I sneak up the stairs and look cautiously in my room and...the machine is still running...just quieter than before. I do an extensive laundry jig that can be likened to the dance Doc Brown does at the end of Back to the Future. And I head back downstairs.
At the end of the night, I go back upstairs with a jaunty walk. And find the LE ERROR IS BACK and my towels are still wet. I fall to my knees and wail at the top of my lungs. I lie on the floor and have a good old fashioned temper tantrum. That out of the way, I took the wet towels and hung them in various spots in my apartment to dry. I tried washing a small load of laundry successfully. And this morning I put a regular load in for both a wash and dry cycle. I'm not optomistic. I'm pretty sure Boston Joe is going to be back. I will leave the machine unplugged for him.
Sent their maintenance man out. He cleaned the filter, unplugged it and replugged it in. He left an amusing little pink maintenance slip indicating it was fixed. Now, I'm no appliance repair guy, but to me "motor error" does not translate to "clean the filer and unplug". So I started to do laundry again. Yes! It washed the clothes! Whoo hoo. Doing a "laundry jig". Well, maybe it was more of a seductive wiggle. But wait! Partway through the drying cycle...DING DING "LE" "LE" taunting me. I did what apparently should be done...I unplugged it and plugged it back in. Didn't work. Called the landlord again.
This time they sent in an actual LG appliance repair guy from Boston Joe's. Thats a bar, not an appliance fixer. C'mon! He checked it out. Said everything was okay. Restarted it and left. And left a pink slip. I get home, go to do the laundry and the farking Ding and LE is back! Call the landlord again. They send in Happy Sam the Unplug Man who cleans the filter and plugs and unplugs the machine again. Another pink slip saying "Fixed". Which it was. For a couple of loads. Then the sequel, "The Error Strikes Back".
Now, listen. The "LE" error is a motor error. Wouldn't that seem to indicate that perhap, I dunno, someone should look at THE MOTOR!!!!!!!!! I calmly - well not so calmly - indicated this to rental representative who promised it would be fixed.
Boston Joe comes back...eventually...because they only come to my area once a week. This time they open...THE MOTOR! In the motor they find a collar stay and half of a credit card (not mine, by the way, so its been in there a while). I get a voice mail rather than a pinky saying this was "probably" the problem. I am elated and my seductive wiggle turns into a Shakira shake. Until I try to run the machine again. LE LE LE LE LE. My patience is waning. I make a call again. This time they decide it must be either that I'm putting too much laundry detergent in it or it needs a special mat so it doesn't move on the carpeting. REALLY? This is what Boston Joe has to offer? I am extremely skeptical but at this point I'm willing to try anything so I can have clean clothes. I already don't use that much laundry detergent so that wasn't an issue. But I wait weeks for the mats to be ordered and installed. Ta Da!
LE LE LE LE LE! Arghhhhhh! Trying desperately not to let the TOTAL AND COMPLETE AGGRAVATION sound in my voice, I call the landlord again. I get a voice mail the next day (this is now into the third month of dinging and LEing) indicating Boston Billy/Bob/Joe/Tom stopped by the landlord and thought maybe the problem was it needed a new...wait for it...MOTOR. HELLO! This accountant with all the technical skills of Gilligan knew it was a motor issue when I read the manual and it said that LE = MOTOR ERROR!
So I'm told they will be in Thursday to replace the motor. I get all giddy. When I get home on Thursday...nothing...the LE is still flashing. I almost sob in disappointment. But lo and behold, on Friday while I'm at home, Boston Joe comes...though his name was Brian I think...and he climbs the stairs with his toolbox and a promising looking cardboard box. I am thrilled until I hear a resounding "Damn". NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD. He informs me that the bolt on the motor was on "really tight" and that it stripped his ratchet. So he would have to come back on Monday with a new ratchet to fix it. Okay. So three months have passed whats another three days and 3417 lbs of dirty laundry.
Again on Monday, I come home with a spring in my step (okay, after a long and frustrating drive from Albany so perhaps not so much a spring)to find...the machine taken apart, the bolt still on and my laundry glaring at me. I leave another message for the landlord where the words "ridiculous" and "Give me a break" were used...if I remember correctly.
Boston Buffoon finally came back on Tuesday. I received an excited message from my landlord indicating the motor has been replaced and that he stayed and watched a load of towels go through the wash cycle successfully. This was bright spot of my day. I get home and sure enough, the towels are clean. I set them for a dry cycle - which takes 3 hours by the way - and head downstairs. I get nervous because it is too quiet. I feel sure the LE error is back. I sneak up the stairs and look cautiously in my room and...the machine is still running...just quieter than before. I do an extensive laundry jig that can be likened to the dance Doc Brown does at the end of Back to the Future. And I head back downstairs.
At the end of the night, I go back upstairs with a jaunty walk. And find the LE ERROR IS BACK and my towels are still wet. I fall to my knees and wail at the top of my lungs. I lie on the floor and have a good old fashioned temper tantrum. That out of the way, I took the wet towels and hung them in various spots in my apartment to dry. I tried washing a small load of laundry successfully. And this morning I put a regular load in for both a wash and dry cycle. I'm not optomistic. I'm pretty sure Boston Joe is going to be back. I will leave the machine unplugged for him.
C'mon, C'mon, Turn OVER already! %$&#!!!!!
Okay, so I am trying to "restart" my blogging. Thus the title of this blog. I have banged my head on various cars' steering wheels like Marty McFly in Back to the Future when my old crapboxes wouldn't start. Well, my previous blogs have become old and, while entertaining, are not relevent anymore. They no longer transport me as they once did. They have been deleted. So I'm turning the key,putting my foot on the gas, and hoping for re-ignition. I'm gonna sweet talk this bad boy into starting and getting me where I need to go.
So, several months ago, I changed my blog from "The Date Knight" to "Just Funny Enough" with the belief that I would fill this space with witty repartee that would entertain and amuse. Ha! Hasn't happened. I have been having a party, ladies and gentleman. A party of grandiose proportions. A party so huge that there was little room for other activity. A party that had one very important guest and that guest just relished the theme of the party. That party was a PITY PARTY, the guest was me, and boy, did I celebrate. I felt like I was hungover most of the time and I barely ever drink! I received an invitation everyday, grabbed it in my greedy little hands, and started dancing the dance of self-pity. I love 80's dance music but the music played at this party - yes a tiny violin - had me moving in sync with my horrible circumstances. From the moment I awoke to the time I dragged my sorry ass to bed (or in most cases, just stayed on my bigass green couch), all I could think about was how much of a suckfest my life was. And yes, I frequently invited my friends and family to view this fest from afar, although no one was allowed to come close enough to touch the trappings of this party and make them different. Sometimes I slapped on a smile and made nice so that I wouldn't seem too pitiful. But it didn't take long to drop that and hit the sorry-for-myself soiree again.
Okay. The truth is...my life isn't easy these days. My divorce has taken a toll on my financial situation that often leaves me wondering how I will pay my bills, has me hitting Coinstar for gas money, or has me taking handouts from family members that both embarasses me and reminds me how much I am loved. While I have never seen myself as an obsessive person, my mind cannot think of much else than how bad things are for me. And how sucky it is to have to deny my kids things that I can't afford anymore.
You see, I have always been one to be responsible. Growing up, we didn't have a lot, though truthfully, I had more than my older siblings. And from the moment I knew what working was, I wanted to work. (Looking back I realized this might have been a sign that I had some mental health issues...now I just want to go back to the time when I didn't know what work was). I started working at the age of 14 "under the table" at $3 per hour. During high school, I worked 34 hours a week at pet store. I gave my mom $20 a week "board". The payment of this was to show me financial responsibility. Which it did. And from that time I have been financially responsible. I have paid my own way. I have paid the way for some others on occasion. And yes, there have been times of struggle. But in 2005 I made a horrible decision to open my own business. Left a well paying stable job to roll the dice at entrepreneurship. And I crapped out. I lost my retirement, my savings, my marriage. I am proud that I had the courage to take a risk, but that risk devastated my whole life.
So here I am. Divorced. Juggling custody of my kids. Paying a lot of money for child support which is only right. I'm back working for the government which was the job I left to open my business. I have had to rebuild again in my job. I have set myself back about 7 years. And in my mind I have brought myself to a place I never thought I would be - working paycheck to paycheck and sometimes, not making ends meet.
Yes, the black streamers are hung for decoration and the violin plays on. And I'm getting tired of it all. Tired of this constant obsession with my situation. And here's where I make a big confession. I don't know how to stop it. I have friends and family whose situations are at least as bad or worse. Who have lived through much horrible personal experiences than I. And I try to compare my life to theirs for perspective and feel guilty when I still pity myself. But the truth is when its you its very hard to let it go. And that is where I struggle every minute of every day. Because on top of my pity party, I feel guilty about feeling sorry for myself. Thats the icing on the cake served at my party.
I will admit I won't be able to let go of this easily. Apparently its in my nature to feel this way. To worry endlessly about my financial situation. And the sad part is this...if my financial situation would improve, my life would be pretty damn good! Because it already is! Its just hard to lift my head above the weight on my shoulder and see the light that shines around me. And there is light:
- I have wonderful daughters that love me and whom I love endlessly.
- I have a great supportive family who would do anything for me and have.
- I have great friends who give me comfort in the form of wise words, humorous exchanges and sometimes physical threats.
- I am dating a lady who knows what my life is and still wants to share it with me. Who celebrates the thought of a future together. With ME!
- I have a steady, well paying job.
But my financial situation is depressing me. Literally and figuratively. I am a stress eater so I have been eating badly (also because bad food is cheaper food) and have gained the weight I worked so diligently to lose earlier this year. Disappointment. I know my diabetes is a threat, my other health will also suffer. Something must be done.
Here's the plan. Contacted my Employee Assistance Program. Getting help with a budget. Getting some counseling for my endless obsession with all that is sucky about me. Trying to embrace what I have rather than what I don't. It won't be easy. Especially this time of year where celebrating the holidays costs so much. But I am determined to get past this. I have had dark thoughts lately and I can't let them overtake me.
So, I am going to start blogging regularly. I'm going to try to find the funny, odd or just happy things in my life and showcase them. It is what it is, but I need to find what it can be!
So, several months ago, I changed my blog from "The Date Knight" to "Just Funny Enough" with the belief that I would fill this space with witty repartee that would entertain and amuse. Ha! Hasn't happened. I have been having a party, ladies and gentleman. A party of grandiose proportions. A party so huge that there was little room for other activity. A party that had one very important guest and that guest just relished the theme of the party. That party was a PITY PARTY, the guest was me, and boy, did I celebrate. I felt like I was hungover most of the time and I barely ever drink! I received an invitation everyday, grabbed it in my greedy little hands, and started dancing the dance of self-pity. I love 80's dance music but the music played at this party - yes a tiny violin - had me moving in sync with my horrible circumstances. From the moment I awoke to the time I dragged my sorry ass to bed (or in most cases, just stayed on my bigass green couch), all I could think about was how much of a suckfest my life was. And yes, I frequently invited my friends and family to view this fest from afar, although no one was allowed to come close enough to touch the trappings of this party and make them different. Sometimes I slapped on a smile and made nice so that I wouldn't seem too pitiful. But it didn't take long to drop that and hit the sorry-for-myself soiree again.
Okay. The truth is...my life isn't easy these days. My divorce has taken a toll on my financial situation that often leaves me wondering how I will pay my bills, has me hitting Coinstar for gas money, or has me taking handouts from family members that both embarasses me and reminds me how much I am loved. While I have never seen myself as an obsessive person, my mind cannot think of much else than how bad things are for me. And how sucky it is to have to deny my kids things that I can't afford anymore.
You see, I have always been one to be responsible. Growing up, we didn't have a lot, though truthfully, I had more than my older siblings. And from the moment I knew what working was, I wanted to work. (Looking back I realized this might have been a sign that I had some mental health issues...now I just want to go back to the time when I didn't know what work was). I started working at the age of 14 "under the table" at $3 per hour. During high school, I worked 34 hours a week at pet store. I gave my mom $20 a week "board". The payment of this was to show me financial responsibility. Which it did. And from that time I have been financially responsible. I have paid my own way. I have paid the way for some others on occasion. And yes, there have been times of struggle. But in 2005 I made a horrible decision to open my own business. Left a well paying stable job to roll the dice at entrepreneurship. And I crapped out. I lost my retirement, my savings, my marriage. I am proud that I had the courage to take a risk, but that risk devastated my whole life.
So here I am. Divorced. Juggling custody of my kids. Paying a lot of money for child support which is only right. I'm back working for the government which was the job I left to open my business. I have had to rebuild again in my job. I have set myself back about 7 years. And in my mind I have brought myself to a place I never thought I would be - working paycheck to paycheck and sometimes, not making ends meet.
Yes, the black streamers are hung for decoration and the violin plays on. And I'm getting tired of it all. Tired of this constant obsession with my situation. And here's where I make a big confession. I don't know how to stop it. I have friends and family whose situations are at least as bad or worse. Who have lived through much horrible personal experiences than I. And I try to compare my life to theirs for perspective and feel guilty when I still pity myself. But the truth is when its you its very hard to let it go. And that is where I struggle every minute of every day. Because on top of my pity party, I feel guilty about feeling sorry for myself. Thats the icing on the cake served at my party.
I will admit I won't be able to let go of this easily. Apparently its in my nature to feel this way. To worry endlessly about my financial situation. And the sad part is this...if my financial situation would improve, my life would be pretty damn good! Because it already is! Its just hard to lift my head above the weight on my shoulder and see the light that shines around me. And there is light:
- I have wonderful daughters that love me and whom I love endlessly.
- I have a great supportive family who would do anything for me and have.
- I have great friends who give me comfort in the form of wise words, humorous exchanges and sometimes physical threats.
- I am dating a lady who knows what my life is and still wants to share it with me. Who celebrates the thought of a future together. With ME!
- I have a steady, well paying job.
But my financial situation is depressing me. Literally and figuratively. I am a stress eater so I have been eating badly (also because bad food is cheaper food) and have gained the weight I worked so diligently to lose earlier this year. Disappointment. I know my diabetes is a threat, my other health will also suffer. Something must be done.
Here's the plan. Contacted my Employee Assistance Program. Getting help with a budget. Getting some counseling for my endless obsession with all that is sucky about me. Trying to embrace what I have rather than what I don't. It won't be easy. Especially this time of year where celebrating the holidays costs so much. But I am determined to get past this. I have had dark thoughts lately and I can't let them overtake me.
So, I am going to start blogging regularly. I'm going to try to find the funny, odd or just happy things in my life and showcase them. It is what it is, but I need to find what it can be!
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